Road trip to A dot

I don't recall any GTGtPAWA sanctioned events at private dwellings, and I can pretty much guarantee that none of them have occurred north of Hwy 7, but I'm going out on a limb here and thinking that most of you would abandon even your most sacred rules to get into a swimming pool this weekend. For those of you who still find Aurora a little 905 for your liking, I'm sure that the YMCA is adding extra chemicals to the pool these days to account for all the kids who aren't toilet trained yet and who's parents won't shell out the $1.10 for Little Swimmer Diapers.

The offer is simple: BYOB, BYOM. That would be meat, for anyone who is above/opposed to eating hamburgers and hot dogs.

House rules:

Clothing is mandatory (at least until the children and Alan's parents go home). Speedos of any kind will subject you to mockery of the highest caliber. Wear at your own risk.

Don't give beer to the baby. Sure it's funny to watch her stumble around the yard telling off-coloured jokes, but then she brings home strange men and ends up with poorly done tattoos. If you must find a way to amuse yourself, feel free to throw laxatives over the fence at the neighbour's dog.

Please refrain from playing with the power tools. Saws (mitre, reciprocal, circular and jig), routers, drills and compressors are all fun to look at, but pose a high risk of personal injury when one is intoxicated, scantily clad, and attempting to balance a paper plate with 5 bean salad in the other hand. For those who insist on losing an arm or a leg this weekend, we will set up a Texas Hold'em table.

Festivities start at 3:00 p.m. on Saturday and run until the police are called to break up the fun. If you would like directions, please email angel.glitter@gmail.com